I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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