If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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