Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
