I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
