i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
