I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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