hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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