she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
birth control should be required to get into college
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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