i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
