I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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