I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
