the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
