Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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