New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize