He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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