Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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