Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
