she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
