Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
