i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
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