I just made out with a guy for $7.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
