Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
