An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
