porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
