i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
