i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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