the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
