absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
