i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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