my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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