Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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