Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
