i just sent this text using only my big toe
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
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