Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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