Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
