I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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