Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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