My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
