my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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