Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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