My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
