3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize