i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
