youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
