Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
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