Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
