I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
