I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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