I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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