I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I will pee on everything he values.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
