Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
