i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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