I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize