I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize