I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
