Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
