He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
