You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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