sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
