Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
