i will never coherently bang her
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize