oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
