I'm drive I can fine osifer
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
