yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
