I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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