Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
