Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize