last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize