ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
