Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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