the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize