when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
